A couple of days ago while wasting time on Facebook (yeah, I do that sometimes), I came across a video of a hilarious British comedian named Peter Kay who was doing a skit on misheard song lyrics. This guy cracked me up as I’ve recently learned that I’m not really the self-proclaimed Queen of the "˜70s lyrics lady as I once believed. You see, I’ve been going to the gym (sorry – should have posted a warning before that statement in case someone has a coronary over moi actually working out) and I’ve created a YouTube playlist of old rock "˜n roll faves to keep me motivated while secretly mind bashing the treadmill. So I mouth along with the tunes I’m listening to and have discovered I really haven’t been singing the right words for decades.
This revelation got me thinking about a line in a book I’d read a couple of months back about how we either hear to listen or hear to understand. And it’s clear I’m guilty of simply not paying close attention.
For years we women have accused men of having ‘selective hearing’ and only retaining what they want to remember, while easily forgetting the rest of the request or story we’ve been telling them. Yet it’s not just the guys who have this problem. Almost all of us at times go on autopilot and automatically tune out the words that someone is throwing our way in a conversation. Sometimes it’s because we’re really not that interested in what the other person is saying, or it could be that we’ve got a bajillion other things on our mind and we just can’t concentrate on the conversation at hand.
While hopefully nothing of great importance gets overlooked when we take those mini "˜hearing’ vacations, there are probably times when being slightly oblivious to the words coming our way have a cost or repercussion in our lives. When our spouse, child, friend, or even clients are trying to impart the importance of something that happened to them, or want to share a significant thought they’ve had with us and we’re in hearing to listen mode, that’s when we suffer a great loss. We can totally miss the reason or reasons behind the other person speaking to us. They could be hurting or in pain and we might miss the subtle clues offered by their words. We could also not comprehend that someone is so overcome with joy that they simply want to share it with us. And there we stand, nodding our head as if we’re totally getting what they’re saying… but we’re not.
Sure, we all have people in our lives that drone on and on and — (you get the drift and I’m certain I’ve been one of those people a time or three), but we put up with them because we like them. And yes, they can be as annoying as a mosquito buzzing around in your bedroom at night and you can’t see it to smack it and end the tale of misery. But the next time someone you care for starts a conversation with you, perhaps you could REALLY try to understand what it is that they’re saying to you. Give them ten minutes of your undivided attention before you slip into the "˜drone zone.’
And business peeps, that’s also something you may want to practice at your next networking event as well. You might actually impress a potential new client by comprehending what their business is all about and what they’re looking from you IF you’re listening to understand.
PS: Here’s the link to the Peter Kay’s skit on misheard lyrics for your’ ‘listening’ enjoyment. Man, I love British humour.
I’ve been vowing to write this blog post for over two months…and today is the day.
I belong to a great entrepreneurs group founded by the multi-talented Maureen Craig McIntosh (http://monctonrealitytherapy.com/join-eric) and on one of our ERIC calls the subject came up about beliefs that we carry throughout our life that somehow continue to define how we live our lives. I listened to a couple of other people on the call who spoke on the subject and then I blurted out in my usual interruptive way and said, “We are NOT our story!”
After a couple of minutes of silence, I proceeded to back up that statement by sharing the following point of view on the subject.
Frankly, at some point in all our lives, we have to let go of our past hurts, disappointments, and so-called failures. We can only blame our parents and others for the way we turned out for so long. I believe the expiration date on blame placement should end around age 40 because frankly, if we haven’t “grown up” by then chances are we aren’t going to. We’ll be forever finger pointing and beating our chest crying out in anger “If you hadn’t told me I was (insert appropriate limiting belief statement here) then I would have NEVER turned out this way!”
Another great often used excuse for not potentially reaching a goal is “Well, if my (mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, cousin…you name it) had encouraged me to study harder and go to (college, university, trade school etc.) than I would be wealthy by now!”
People, pull a “Frozen” and let that story go!
Yes, it’s true that some people never receive the encouragement a young child needs to build healthy levels of self-esteem. And it’s also true that life seems to bestow great and wonderful things on some while heaping crud on others. Yet by the time we approach mid-life, WE are creating our own stories and beliefs. WE are making choices on how we wish to live our lives. I truly believe that if we keep rekindling hurtful memories and fanning the anger fire within ourselves, we will never, ever, achieve a state of happiness or be comfortable in our own skin.
What happened thirty, twenty, ten, or even a single year or day ago is in the past. Why are you still carrying around that incident or grudge? Aren’t you tired of living in sadness or rage? Plus think of the valuable “real estate”in your brain that you’re letting these people and thoughts rent for free! Why? And how are those thoughts serving you today?
Not very well, are they?!
Alexander Pope was spot on when he said, “To err is human, to forgive divine.”
Acknowledge that so and so was mistaken when they made a negative judgement call on any aspect of your character way back when–and then forgive them. Besides, you are NOT the person today that you were years ago.
You are NOT your story, or at least not anymore.
Maybe it’s time you wiped the slate clean and started writing a new book called "œMy Life NOW!"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Marlene Oulton, AKA "œThe Words Lady" and resident wordsmith of www.MarleneOulton.comÂ derives great satisfaction from assisting authors, writers, coaches and SOHO entrepreneurs produce clean, crisp and concisely written articles, newsletters, website copy and other literary works. To find out more on how she can make your words sing and dance… without adding music visit www.MarleneOulton.com today!
I"™m sure that for every braggadocios posting in Facebook that veritably screams at the reader, "œHey! Look at what I did today!" there must be hundreds, even thousands of other people who never utter a single word about the amazing feats they"™ve managed to accomplish in the run of their average, everyday life.
Like the person who"™s been struggling to lose weight and finally saw the numbers go down on her scale this morning, even if it was only by a half kilogram. Or the person who has been trying to cut salt out of their diet to help lower their blood pressure and their doctor has finally taken them off medication. Or what about those quiet, caring people who look after sick loved ones, day after exhausting day, without so much as a word in social media about how "˜brave"™ they"™re being doing what they feel in their heart that they must do for those who are fading away from this earth. Or what about the people who routinely do what to others may seem like small, insignificant advances towards becoming a better all-round, caring human being?
I have more respect for people who DON"™T say anything about their small, unsung victories than I do for the thousands who feel compelled to regal us all with their tales of heroic (or stoic) behavior. Don"™t get me wrong here, folks. I"™m very glad that we have enthusiastic volunteers who do a myriad of things for others, and yes, they should be applauded for their efforts. Yet I am more in awe of the silent warriors who wage personal wars in their world every single day and win.
I believe that it"™s those unsung victories that add a wealth of "˜feel good"™ moments into our lives. It"™s that little voice inside ourselves that says "˜Holy crap! I didn"™t think I could do that"¦ but I did. Yay for me!"™ and then we go about our daily tasks.
So if any of you reading this blog post experienced a teeny, tiny, "˜woo hoo"™ happening today that you"™ve not bragged about, I applaud you. May those little victories keep adding up in your heart until it"™s overflowing with love and gratitude for the small things that make a life whole and rewarding.
Lately I"™ve seen some posts on social media sites where people are complaining about receiving poor customer service at all types of businesses. The list runs the gamut from receiving terrible food at restaurants, retailers whose sales people never make a move to help a customer out "“ you name it, the complaints are there for all to see.
So what"™s happened to the word "˜service"™ in customer service?
From the first day I went into business, I realized that if I were to make sales and achieve repeat customers, I had to first earn their trust and treat them as I liked to be treated when shopping. It doesn"™t matter if you"™re searching for a new vehicle or a new pair of running shoes "“ the basics of solid customer service is the same. And I believe that principle starts with one thing: respect.
If you can"™t show respect for another person"™s wishes and requests, then you shouldn"™t be in sales. Most everyone I know works hard for their dollars, and if they decide they want to spend their money at your establishment, they deserve the undivided attention of your sales people.
Here are three key elements that I"™ve found to be invaluable in running my business:
- Listen carefully to what the customer says. If Ms. "˜X"™ says that she want an 8 ounce rib-eye steak, done medium rare, and charred on both sides, then be sure that"™s what you serve her. If you fail to take note of the customer"™s preferences and then offer them something that is totally different than what they"™ve asked for, they"™re not going to be happy campers. And unhappy customers are not repeat customers.
- Ask relevant questions. Failing to ask the right question of your client will give you incomplete information as to their expectations from you. This step also falls into the category of "˜assuming"™ that you know what someone wants before they ever open their mouth to speak. Always ask the customer what they desire from your business. And if you can"™t provide what they"™re looking for, move on to step # 3.
- Be honest "“ always. No wants to be talked down to or made to feel as if they"™re being pressured to settle for less than what they desire. If you haven"™t got exactly what they want, by all means suggest an alternative, but don"™t try to force something that is totally the opposite of what they want down their throat. Trust me. If the buyer wants a half-ton truck and I try to convince him to buy a two-door sedan, do you really think he"™s going to make a sale with me? Nope.
It really doesn"™t take much effort to offer good, solid, customer service. In fact, some businesses get by with providing the bare minimum in courtesy and haphazard goods. But wouldn"™t you rather be known as the company that actually cares about their customers and goes just a little bit further in the sales process?
Cultivating loyal customers is crucial if you want to ensure that they"™re repeat customers.
As some of you probably know, we are born with only two fears: that of falling and loud noises. Anything else we may fear we"™ve developed through our own beliefs or through the teachings or warnings from others. (more…)
Today is a high-five, way to go, milestone day in my life. I"™m not looking for accolades, congratulations or any such thing from you, my readers.
This blog post is my thank you to me.
It"™s been 365 days, or 8,760 hours, or 525,600 minutes since I last smoked a cigarette.
Frankly, I don"™t know how I achieved this milestone as I resisted even contemplating quitting for 40+ years. I expended a lot of energy in fighting for my right to smoke and honed my argumentative skills by furiously debating with those who urged me to quit. (more…)